Saturday, June 27, 2009

Thoughts for the day

I don' t have much to write about, yet I'm thinking about so many things all the time. I feel like writing some of my thoughts down, without agenda or desire to make perfect sense. I just want to "vent", in a way.

* It's very hot today, in the hundreds....i cut my hair kind of short....did the A-line bob thing, but it is a longer version. It was kind of spur-of-the-moment, but I like it. I haven't had my hair short in like 7 years!

*Maggie is still waking up every few hours at night. I'm lazy....don't care to try any "methods" right now....I'm sleeping better at least, no caffeine after noon is really helping me. I hardly notice when Maggie wakes up to nurse (since she is in bed with me.....which is probably part of the problem), and I fall back to sleep pretty quickly, so I am not complaining. I might start complaing, though, if the crib Daniel is building isn't done before she's too big to go in one :) I can say that because he never reads my blog anyway :)

*I'm still missing church in matter how hard I try, I feel like a "Sunday Christian" life doesn't permeate my daily life as it once did. I feel an emptiness inside...I don't do what I need to grow closer to GOd, and am very unmotivated to do much in the realm of spiritual discipline. I can blame no one but myself, but it's definitely hard not having many Orthodox friends we really feel close with here, it's such a difference from our church communities back home. Basically, my spiritual life is continually on the backburner, and I am constantly allowing other cares of life to distract me from what is important. I hope i can get my act together for Maggie's sake. I'm being a poor example for her. I long to be the kind of Christian who doesn't care about her appearance, and truly seeks to eminate God's love and beauty through humility and service to others. I am becoming more and more self-centered....I feel so far off track, I don't even know where to begin to get back on it. I feel overwhelmed by my apathy and lack of motivation. I am one of those people who really relies on my community to help encourage and push me toward spiritual growth, and oneness with Christ. I dont really have that here, and am basically failing at doing this on my own.

* I'm excited for my brother to live with us for a few months this will be so nice to have family around. My parents are visiting for over a week as well, and I can't wait!!! I really want my sisters to visit me this summer, especially the sister who has never visited before (hint, hint).

*I feel so unorganized around the house. Nothing ever seems to get done...and if something does get done, it's usually "undone' within a day. I know this is just life....but it's overwhelming. Add cooking healthy meals to that, and trying not to spend a fortune on food, and I really feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

*I'm glad Daniel is so patient with me....i wish I could say I was the same toward him. He is so loving and kind, and I can get so frustrated and nit-picky with him at times.

Well, Maggie is actually sleeping without me, so I should probably take advantage of this opportunity to have the bed all to myself (since Daniel will be up late with work he brought home---i"m hoping this is not a new trend).

Sorry for venting and complaining....i just don't have many people around right now that I can do this with.


Helenrr said...

Aww, Christy, I hear you! We are all here for you, even if we are 'far' away. I know what you mean about Church, without the group we had for years I feel like my weeks are very flat. The local churches don't get into the feast days and other non-'huge' (as in Lent, etc) celebrations which our group gladly celebrated or observed.
It is hard to do something faith filled and yet we must. I try to go for morning prayer, and to stop and pray when I remember...I also offer up my frustration/pain/whatever for what good God can make of it...remember we can serve God by Serving others. Sometimes that is practicing our faith ...
Also, I don't think taking care of our selves is bad-I have never thought of you as self-centered! I do believe God wants us to love our selves, to reflect His love on to others. If we are unkempt and slovenly because we deny ourselves love (and thus His Love) how are we able to shine our/His love out on others? I think the problem lies in the fear of not even being aware of that issue by being so self indulgent and absorbed we don't even acknowledge that faith and observance is missing. You are searching and asking, you are very aware...keep trying! you will find your rhythm! Oh, and you can call me to vent! :) See you soon-I hope!!! MUCH LOVE and (((HUGS))) May God fill you all with Grace, Aunt Helen

Mimi said...

Your hair sounds fabulous, stay cool.

Hugs to you on the church situation. Prayers.