As my sweet baby snores in the sling, I thought I'd take a moment to write a post (as long as she lets me :) It's been 2 weeks now since M. came into the world and joined our family. I know babies grow exponentially in the first two years, even the first 3 months, and I have to say, there is a lot of growth taking place for Daniel and I as well. The first week, we were blessed to have Daniel's mom here to help out with everything around the house, and to offer an extra pair of loving arms for M. to snuggle into. I was exhausted from almost 3 consecutive nights in the hospital without sleep, so it took a good part of the first week to 'catch up', as much as I could with a newborn, that is. Daniel went back to work this past week, and I was on my own. The first day was rough. M. never wanted to be put down, I was starving, and any time she cried, I felt like a failure. I know this is not the appropriate response to a baby's cries, but I think a touch of the "baby blues" was affecting me, and I took it personally. I honestly started to wonder if I was "cut out" for this whole mother role. I know I've never wanted anything else than to be a wife and mother, but the reality of motherhood's demands with a newborn hit me hard.
A baby turns your life upside-down. Day and night have no meaning anymore, they all run together. Your time is no longer your own, it must be focused on the needs of the child, and let's not forget there is a marriage to nurture as well. Daniel has been an AMAZING father and I couldn't imagine a better partner to be a parent with. He holds her whenever he is home (unless she needs to be fed), which is a nice break for me and my back.
Selfishness has no room to thrive when you're a mom. Sure, you can have selfish thoughts, but the freedom to indulge them is just not there like it used to be. I'm realizing more and more just how selfish I am, and how easily I want to give up when things are hard. Well, God has given me the biggest (and greatest) challenge of my life, one that can NEVER be "quit". There is so much to learn, and so much I know God will teach me through motherhood. It truly is a path to holiness, if one seeks God first in everything (which I am FAR from doing, Lord help me!).
I'm thankful to say that I'm starting to understand M's needs more, which makes things a bit easier. I know she only likes the sling or the Moby wrap when she is ready to nap. She basically only cries when she is really tired, other than her 'fussy hour" around bedtime. She takes FOREVER to nurse, and I just have to accept this fact and enjoy a book or a movie during feedings :) She hates the swing, but we'll keep trying... If I want to shower, I just have to accept the fact that she will cry while I do so. Housework will have to wait til dad gets home, and then I run around like crazy getting stuff done (it's actually been more productive for me to have a newborn, because I see "free time" as time to work around the house).
All in all, we're figuring each other out. SHe is a wonderful baby, and I love her with all my heart. I'm trying to cherish this early stage, despite the challenges.
ok--baby is now wailing..... time to feed!
5 weeks ago