Thursday, April 9, 2009

I've only been doing this for 3 months!

Tomorrow my baby girl will be 3 months old! I can't believe seems like she's been with us for so much longer than that, yet it also seems like she was born just yesterday! Last time I blogged, I was sick with a fever that lasted for over a week. It was such a trying time for me...being sick. Selfishly, I just wanted to go somewhere where I could just take care of myself, and not have to think about anyone else's needs. It overwhelmed me to realize that it will be a very long time (if ever) that I won't have other people to put before myself. I felt guilty for wanting to "escape", but I know I'm not the first mom to have those kinds of feelings. Being sick also made me feel so incapable as a mother, not being able to take care of Maggie by myself. I don't know why it threw me off so much, but I lost any confidence I had and just wanted to give up at being a mom, because I thought I couldn't handle it.

I realize this is only the beginning of my journey as a parent, and there will be thousands of trials to come. But, the most important thing I've learned through this is that I can't do all that a mom needs to do without the grace and help of God. The more I try to do it alone, the worse I feel about myself as a mom. I need God on those mornings that I'm not ready to start the day, but Maggie is. I need God when I don't think I have any more energy to walk Maggie around the house to get her to fall asleep for her nap. I need God to remind that in serving Maggie and Daniel, I am serving Christ. I need God to help me die to my wants and desires, to whittle away at the selfishness in the core of my heart. I need God.....that is the point.

I've lived most of my life trying to do everything by my own strength and my own might, and I succeeded at times and definitely failed at times. I've often quit when things got too hard, but there's no quitting motherhood. God is showing me that this old way of living is not going to work anymore. I have to "put off the old ways" and put on the ways of Christ. Without Christ, I don't know how I can meet the demands of motherhood. I'm not one who is faithful about reading Scripture or quieting myself before the Lord in prayer...but I'm doing my best to invite God into my day, and asking Him to guide me and help me. This is just the beginning...for our relationship with God is limitless. Marriage and family life can truly be a path to salvation, if we serve our family as unto Christ, and die to ourselves. Lord have mercy on me and help me as I struggle on this new path of motherhood. May it be blessed, fruitful, and salvific!


Helenrr said...

Christi, that is such a thoughtful post! It is so true to that without God things seem to be 10 or 100 times harder, but when we turn to Him we find that while the going may be tough it is manageable. Life without trials is shapeless, it is the trials that shape us and especially when we put ourselves in God's hands.
I found "Holiness for Housewives" by Sophia Press to be helpful...I never had much time to actually pray, but did try to offer up in prayer my daily tasks and work.
Take care, love the photos!
Love Aunt Helen

Christina said...

Maggie looks like your dad!!! Wow! I saw your pics on facebook but I thought I would comment here. Grace is what gets us through everything, I have found out.
Thanks for writing! Hope you are all well!!!

Xenia Kathryn said...

Oh! Sweet Baby Maggie. Happy Birthday (3 month at least :D). She looks so beautiful, I love her smile and bright "Bitty" eyes!

In the first year of being a new mom, I struggled so much, too. On one hand, I couldn't imagine why no one told me that motherhood was so difficult... and on the other hand, I was baffled as to why anyone would have kids in the first place. Sounds pretty harsh, eh?

But, here I am, three years into the Mothering gig. Each passing year seems to bring more and more grace and blessings... trials too, of course, but hey, that's to be expected, right?

I love you. Thanks for your reflection here. Truly appropriate for Lent! Now we really see how marriage and family life is a path to salvation, as it allows us to get a closer glimpse of Christ.

Carrie @ OrganicThrifty said...

Happy 3 month birthday to dear Maggie tomorrow!

You have figured out the key to it all; amazing post.

God empowers us and inspires us in the whole mothering process; we fail big time but then we learn a lot too.

But for the record, I don't think we were ever intended to be so alone in the first few months; but that's just the way it is. I think the first 6-9 months are the hardest in that regard!!!

I miss my baby niece so much! I can' t wait to see you all again!

Love you sister,


Mimi said...

Happy Three Month Birthday, sweet Maggie!

I agree, what a beautiful post and a reminder for when I am struggling with being a mom, even now.

Anonymous said...

Happy 3 months to precious Maggie!

She is 3 months- and Grandjo is 93 today! That blows my mind.

Wonderfully insightful post Christy.
I'm still learning that "hard" can be very good. "Hard" propels me closer to Christ.
Proud of you!!
Kisses and hugs to you all!!

Christina said...

i tagged you... check out my blog:)